Discussion: Apple, AT&T, Data Plans, and Stupidity?

I read the AT&T CEO article over at MacRumors.com and I thought I’d write, just for a quick discussion here. Here’s the scenario, at least as I understand it, Pretent I’m the CEO of AT&T, Ok? 🙂

  1. I bid, struggle, make a case to “Apple” in some kind of “negotiation” for a *huge exclusive opportunity* to support one of the most widely accepted digital convergance devices ever created. (You know like when I wake up in the morning, I decide what to eat for breakfast, no big deal right?)
  2. I begin supporting the device only to find out I need to do a little more to make it more seamless and ultimately improve my wireless network performance. (So I invest in land-lines instead of cell towers? Damn I’m good)
  3. I am surprised that investing in land-lines instead of cell towers didn’t improve wireless throughput and capacity (how could that *not* have worked? Amiright?) and rumors of scaled/tiered data plan pricings are leaked. (totally not be me…I swear.)
  4. Oh, yeah, I also want to change the EULA of my network and any associated verbage coupled with the network access portion of any existing and future contracts to include some kind of “overage fee or cap” on the “unlimited data plans” (Dood, this is totally going to work. Problems Solved!) Oh, and I’m going to be totally surprised when everyone has a shit-fit.
  5. JDPower and Associates rates my customer service team in the middle and my network performance at the bottom. (Crap, I did it again. I must need to invest in more land-lines.) I also start to think blaming the users of my networks/contracts are the ones at fault, totally dood, totally.
  6. I actually blame my network performance on those damn iPhone thingys those assholes are using that I sold them that I coupled with a nearly unbreakable contract with unrealistic termination fees and monthly charges for *data* and phone service on *my Freakin’ Network*. Oh, I then make everyone feel worse by bringing up the fact there could be tiered data pricing again. (Seriously, data pricing on a freakin’ “ALWAYS ON WIRELESS NETWORK?” I mean, I’ve heard of toll roads before, but it doesn’t cost me crap to walk down the street.)
  7. Did I mention I brought up Tiered Data Pricing again?
  8. I call the new iPhones and iPads “data hogs” and yes, I’m priveleged to have them on my network cause, damnit, They’re really just WiFi devices anway.
  9. I improved the performance of my “3G” network by throwing money at the problem, testing some speeds in 13 major cities, *AND* JDPower and Associates now confirmed me as being the most awesome for improvement. (Dood, GOLD freaki’n Star. G.O.L.Mutha-fuggin-D. GOLD STAR! w00t!)
  10. I go on record again saying how 3G users are jerks and that damn iphone is to blame (brrrring – Hold on, talking to the wife on iPhone now…Damnit! Dropped call!)

On top of all that, I go on-record with all of this again and http://www.macrumors.com/2010/03/02/atandt-ceo-randall-stephenson-speaks-about-iphone-and-ipad/ give everyone crap for liking the iPhone.

I’m confused over all this. VZW’s customer service is great, but not being able to browse on CDMA while taking a phone call. Something sounds just wrong with that. (I was a VZW customer for many years, and this still stumps me)

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